Depression without drugs
Learning to manage depression naturally
Disclaimer: This is based on my experience and not a substitute for medical advice. It’s not always easy and probably not for the faint hearted but the results are definitely worth it. Trigger warning: I also write about thoughts of self-harm and suicidal ideation.
I was inspired to write this post after reading a post on LinkedIn about a natural amino acid, tryptophan, which occurs naturally in many foods and has successfully been used to treat depression before drugs became the norm. I have always been a strong advocate for prevention and natural methods for any type of condition where possible.
I was first diagnosed with depression in 2008 and was prescribed medication. At the time I was still having annual blood tests following my diagnosis of coeliac disease in 2003. I stopped taking the tablets after a few weeks because I didn’t want to become dependent on them. About the same time I received the results of my blood test. My vitamin B12 levels were very low. I had to have a series of injections. When I collected them from the pharmacy I read the information that came along with them. Among the side effects listed for vitamin B12 deficiency - depression.
A friend recommended 5-HTP which is a natural supplement based on tryptophan. She was prescribed anti-depressants as a result of post-natal depression after the birth of her son. It had taken 18 months to wean herself off them. When I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor, he was supportive of my decision.
Two years previously, in 2006, I had begun meditating. I learned from Buddhist teachers. I was able to apply the principles to my depression when it returned a few years later.
First I was able to see that it was suffering. I had to learn to accept what I was feeling as neither good or bad. I only created more pain for myself if I wanted things to be different.
Then I was able to connect with my breath and bodily sensations. I was having very strong thoughts about harming myself. My meditation practice helped me stay present and not act on those thoughts. I brought my awareness into my body, detaching from the thoughts. They were still going on in the background but I wasn’t identified with them. I was aware of very strong tingling sensations in my arms.
By being able to detach from the thoughts and come into the body, we break that reactive cycle. Most of the time it is so quick we don’t notice. It starts with a feeling in the body, then an emotion followed by a thought. Sometimes we then act out in response to this thought and often it doesn’t turn out too well.
My recommendation is to find a meditation teacher who is trauma-informed. I also recommend David Treleaven’s book, Trauma-Informed Mindfulness. There are lots of strategies in this book to help anchor yourself in the body and engender a sense of safety.
In 2017 I began cold water swimming. I had heard of the benefits, even though it was nowhere near as popular back then. I’ve always loved swimming but now I started going in the sea (in England) all year round. I’m also partial to skinny dipping where possible. Then there is no barrier at all between you and nature. I never wear a wetsuit, but I do have neoprene gloves for the winter because the cold hurts my hands. These are the ones I recommend, they aren’t the cheapest but they’re still going strong after 7 years.
I can’t say for sure whether it helped with my mental health but I certainly feel more alive afterwards. I prefer to swim alone or with one friend, I tried groups but they weren’t for me. Being out in the sea, under the sky, I feel connected to the whole world. It is a spiritual practice, just like meditation,
This wasn’t the end of it though. In February 2023 I felt so low, I couldn’t even envisage a future for myself. I’d read Your Souls’ Gift by Robert Schwartz. The by-line is The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born. You don’t have to believe in the bit about pre-birth planning. I found reading other people’s experience about how they found purpose through their suffering comforting. In the section on suicide it said that being able to talk about thoughts and plans for ending their life meant that people were far less likely to follow through. I talked to my doctor, she asked what thoughts I was having and listened without trying to fix anything. She also prescribed SSRI medication to stabilise my emotions. The fact I even considered taking them shows how low I’d fallen. I collected my prescription from the pharmacy and it was as if a switch went off in my head. I knew I could do it without them. It was up to me. I had all the tools I needed.
A few months later, after having read several books on trauma, I listened to a webinar by Janina Fisher. She is one of the world’s leading experts on trauma. The webinar was titled New Hope for Treatment Resistant Depression. She says depression is a trauma response and
I felt seen and heard. Understanding was a huge step on the road to healing completely. I’m not saying life is perfect now and I never get down. Janina and other trauma experts helped me heal though. Robert Schwartz helped to give my experiences meaning.
Ultimately life is a spiritual journey. It’s not all unicorns and rainbows though. Spiritual growth means getting down and dirty with all the bits we would rather keep hidden. Unless we shine a light on them we will continue to suffer. This may manifest as depression or other mental illnesses or as physical imbalances in the body. The only way out is through.
Here are the links again to the recommended books and gloves. These are affiliate links and I will earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. You can also support me by buying me a cup of tea and subscribing. Thanks again. Big love.
Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness - David Treleaven
Again- very honest and I love the point about swimming. Have you found places you can swim easily in Oz?