In this week’s post I reflect on privilege, marketing and how far I have come in the last few years. I recently took part in a 3-day challenge where the end goal is to get you to buy their programme. I have no problem with that, it’s a common business strategy but when people with privilege exploit vulnerable people it becomes a problem. The premise of this one was: ‘Rewire your money patterns, build systems that support you, and unlock the abundance waiting for you…without hustle, sacrifice, or high-functioning financial stress.’
The challenge itself was pretty good for me, probably not for people who still have a lot of unprocessed trauma though. I have done a LOT of work on my money story and I had a few new insights, especially into how much I’ve grown and healed. I recently shared a bit about my story of losing everything after an abusive marriage on my YouTube channel. Part of that story is how I spent a lot of money on coaching and programmes like these. I could tell how far I’ve come since those days because I wasn’t even remotely tempted to pay the US$3000 fee to sign up for the programme at the end of the challenge.
I found out about it from Valeire Rein, author of Patriarchy Stress Disorder. I was recommended this book a couple of years ago and it led me down the rabbit hole of reading all the major books on trauma. This book and others help me to see how disregulated I was and why a lot of coaching programmes hadn’t worked for me. To give the woman who was leading the challenge credit, she was quite well informed on trauma and knew the importance of safety. However this doesn’t take away from the fact that she is a wealthy, privileged, white American woman, married, face botoxed up to the nines. This is her choice obviously, but why does she feel the need to have a mask? She showed a picture of herself a few years ago where she looked natural, vulnerable and beautiful but talked herself down saying she looked awful. So sad, and as a successful woman and mother of daughters I’d like to see her modelling something better. She talks the talk but it’s only surface level. She talked about some of her challenges but none ever put her in danger of losing everything. Not that I would wish that on her but she will never be able to get into the shoes of someone who has been at rock bottom. When you’ve been there, you know.
This is where I struggled a lot in the past. I would look at other people having career or financial success and feel like a failure. What was the missing piece? I’m doing all the things they are. Now I look back I can see that pretty much all of these coaches are happily married and have a lot of support at home, come from generational wealth or they were childless. Many had had successful careers prior to having a business, often earning 6 figures. Comparing myself to them was pointless. This isn’t a level playing field. I’m on my own journey and my soul chose this. I have no problem with that at all. I can’t change the past but if I could I would have spent the money on travel instead.
I have studied a lot about marketing in the past as well. One of the things I would hear a lot is ‘you need to talk to people’s pain points.’ I was in a lot of pain and their marketing was promoted as being the solution, which is why these things are dangerous to vulnerable people. I always struggled working out who my ‘target market’ was. I could help teachers, women who’ve been in abusive relationships, parents of addicted loved ones, people diagnosed with ‘ADHD’, teach meditation to name but a few. I found it hard to focus.
Now I would say to anyone who is struggling financially and thinking of throwing their savings at a programme like this, spend it on doing something you love instead which doesn’t have to break you. Someone else’s course probably won’t work because your experience is unique. If this person really cared about helping people to heal from their trauma she could do it a lot cheaper. People who can genuinely afford it probably don’t need it. Or spend it on a good trauma therapist. Go on retreats - not ones run by rich people costing $1,000s though. I’m talking about getting into nature, away from technology with caring, good-hearted souls. It won’t always be unicorns and rainbows but the benefits of learning to sit with difficult feelings are huge. I was able to go on many retreats by volunteering at a Buddhist retreat centre. They always have options for people on low incomes too.
In summary I lost a lot of money because I didn’t believe in myself. I thought I needed something outside of me instead of trusting that doing what I love is the way. I highly recommend Valerie Rein’s book as the first step to healing trauma caused by the society we live in. When we heal ourselves, we heal the world.
If you click the link and buy the book I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. It will help me keep my content free for everyone. You can also support my work by buying me a cup of tea.
Thank you and big love.